hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I could have mohawked her pubes.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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