well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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