meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
