Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I don't deserve a penis
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Randomize