i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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