When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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