so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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