everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
