i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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