yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
