I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
