I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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