You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize