You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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