You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
