He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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