I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
