oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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