Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize