her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
