I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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