another moral hangover. fuck.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You made out with two different species that night
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Randomize
