You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I think I just sharted jello shots
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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