i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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