two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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