That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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