five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
