Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
