ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
