I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Someone shit on the floor
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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