found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
