You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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