i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
