her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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