I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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