Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
i've created a new STD.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
