WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Randomize
