i barfeds in our rink
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
