Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
