Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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