don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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