dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
