I wannas sexs uuuuu
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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