Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
