chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
