Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize