life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
