A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize