If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
