I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
