I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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