you're like a bully in the Christmas story
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
