You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
