It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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