Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
