i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
