That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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