remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
splinters make it hard to masturbate
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
