youre lurking in front of me
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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