New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
She announced her abortion via fbk
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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