dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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