If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
