Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
