It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
