I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
