This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize