The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
