Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
