In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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