oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i think i scared a bird with my dick
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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