Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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