I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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