smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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