I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
