I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
