my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
